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You are having a zoom conversation or are gathered around the conference table, and once again a certain colleague interferes with a rambling, self-important monologue that dominates the conversation. Despite all efforts to keep the discussion going, this person gradually consumes what is happening, over and over, submitting everyone to their meandering stream of consciousness, which (as usual) is not particularly groundbreaking.

This is a classic example of compulsive public speaking – a person unable to control what they are saying and when they are saying it. Dealing with such a person in the workplace can be a difficult dilemma – especially when you are the one who has to tell them to get in touch.

What is compulsive speaking?

A more slang and crude definition is someone who can’t shut up, constantly causing an avalanche of verbal diarrhea, and is otherwise unable to read the room. Certainly there is a scientific term for this type of illness: “Talkaholic”, which was coined in 1995 by the psychologists James C. McCroskey and Virginia P. Richmond even a diagnostic test to gauge where you might fall on the talkaholic scale, although participating in such a system requires at least some semblance of self-esteem – which for most over-talkers is usually only fleeting.

When we talk about compulsive speaking in the workplace, there are several distinguishing features that will be familiar to anyone who has endured their relentless fondness for gibberish. Psychologists Shoba Sreenivasan and Linda E. Weinberger wrote for Psychology today last year about some of the hallmarks of a compulsive speaker in the workplace, so a study from 2006.

They observed the following behaviors:

• Ignoring verbal and non-verbal cues from colleagues to stop speaking.
• Non-stop monologues / dominant conversations.
• Repeat the same stories with the same colleagues.
• Lack of interest in work topics or interests of colleagues.

This can be an extremely annoying problem, especially when it comes from someone among you in the workplace hierarchy who tends to dominate discussions despite defying their actual job responsibilities.

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How to deal with a compulsive speaker at work

Alison Greene, workplace counseling columnist, recently did her best to advise someone in the unenviable position dealing with a talkaholic who dominates team meetings every time they occur. While Greene is a master at work-related advice, there wasn’t much she could do that the ailing manager hadn’t tried.

However, the manager’s attempts to control her talkative coworker are a great example of what you should be doing if you are ever in this position. So here are some ways to tell a compulsive speaker to stop speaking unless it’s really necessary or helpful.

Be honest and straightforward

If you’ve done your best to be nice and pamper your chatty coworker, then you can be sincere and direct. In group settings, tell them not to speak unless spoken to directly to keep the meeting on track. Tell them why their verbal attack is negatively affecting things.

Move the conversation away from them

Compulsive speakers tend to verbally digress and mislead conversations. What you can do is take the reins in hand by addressing them directly and demonstrably postponing the conversation. A simple “Josh, let’s take a break there; I think we’re digressing – let’s get back to the discussion of bills … ”should be enough to strongly suggest that you have wandered too far.

Impose rules

It may be harsh, but the reality is that some compulsive speakers really have no hold back. Perhaps make a mandatory microphone mute policy when you are on a video call, or create some other type of structure in which some people can host the meeting, then open it up for wider discussion. This will help ensure that you have time to address the key points before they have a chance to distract you from the topic.

Show compassion

Sometimes talkaholics won’t give up because they’re masking a deeper, underlying problem or uncertainty. If you think this might be the case, sit down with them and ask if anything is going on that might affect their behavior at work. The ability to think about changes in behavior can be the nudge they need to curb the talkativeness.

Of course, all of this can fail for you, in which case more severe disciplinary action may be required. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

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“Garlic bread” can mean many different things (all good, of course). The first iteration I was introduced to was white toast with country crock and garlic salt served with what my grandparents called “Italian spaghetti”. (What other type of spaghetti is there you might ask? Chicken Spaghettiwho governs more comprehensively than it has a right.)

Nowadays I make my garlic bread with two preparations of garlic (a whole head of soft and toasted stuff with a few finely chopped raw cloves), and I usually build it on a French batard (can’t beat the open crumb!) but I’ll never stand over a good ol ‘margarine- toast- and-garlic-salt situation. (It tastes really good!)

But no matter what kind of delicious garlic bread I make, a little MSG often penetrates. It’s not exactly “needed”, but it gives the bread an edge. Monosodium glutamate is literally a crystal made up of the two flavors one would want on garlic bread – salty (thanks to the sodium) and umami (thanks to the glutamate). Just one or two shakes of the small crystals accentuate the already existing flavors and ensure a super hearty backbone.

Basically, it tastes like garlic bread, but more than that. It’s especially helpful when you don’t have time to toast or otherwise brown your garlic, but still want to add a deep, almost meaty taste to your bread.

You don’t need much here either. You want the MSG to complement, not distract from, the garlic. Two shakes or a very small pinch of bread are sufficient. If you don’t like the look of slender, stick-shaped crystals on your garlic bread, just mix them into the butter (or country crock) beforehand to hide them.

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Perhaps no other form of psychological agony is better known or mentioned in the popular media today than gaslighting. To experience it, your sense of reality is denied, but it is important to understand whether the other person is actually using the manipulative tool on purpose or whether they simply disagree. Before making the accusation, it’s important to understand what really qualifies as gaslighting – and what, in the heat of the moment, feels like gaslighting but isn’t.

What is gas lighting?

Gaslighting is emotional abuse that denies a sense of reality, especially when a person is acting on purpose. There are several ways this behavior can manifest itself, but the ultimate goal is to obscure reality. As the psychologist Ahona Guha wrote for Psychology today in 2018, it is generally “a pattern of behavior that is usually intentional to get someone to question their own reality, memories, or experience”.

The term owes its origins to the 1944 film Gaslight, which recorded the relationship of a man and his wife that he was slowly becoming convinced was going out of her mind, and summed up gaslighting in its purest form. It is a particularly manipulative form of communication in which one person is constantly trying to convince the other party that their interpretation of reality is wrong.

What expressions indicate gas lighting?

Anything that tends to undermine without looking for a deeper understanding can fall into the insidious camp. The gas lighter has a litany of rhetorical weapons, not limited to:

• “You are too sensitive.”
• “I have never said that.”
• “Your memory is so bad.”
• “You are crazy.”
• “You take things too personally.”
• “Calm down.”
• “I’m sorry that you feel like I hurt you.”

Of course, this is just a taste of what someone exposed to gaslighting could endure. There are other behaviors that a gaslighter might employ, as explained by the psychologist Stephanie A. Sarkis in a 2017 Psychology Today article. For one, people susceptible to this type of abuse can deny their own actions even when proven otherwise. Or they project some of their own negative behaviors onto you. The list is long And not everyone who experiences a gaslighting partner will be privy to all of the same tactics.

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This is how you can tell whether it is not gas lighting

You need some intention, or at least a persistent reluctance, to hear the other side of the conversation in order to meet gaslighting standards. As Guha wrote, in the definitive example of gaslighting there is a necessary level of malice combined with intent, though often it is carried out unknowingly. She wrote, “These motives are not necessarily understood or noticed by the gaslighter, and sometimes they really believe what they are saying.”

However, it is easy to cross the line between gaslighting and mere disagreement. If the wording of certain statements is subtly changed, this no longer corresponds to the standard of gaslighting. Guhu listed sentences that are assertive and contradicting, but not necessarily gaslighting.

• “You misunderstood me; I didn’t mean it that way.”
• “I don’t remember that.”
• “I did not want to.”
• “What I said wasn’t that bad.”

If an argument is just a temporary dead end – and every couple struggles – and not a constant level of manipulation or emotional incitement, then it’s probably best not to level the gas lighting charge. If it is clear that your partner is at least willing to hear your side of things – they may disagree, but they should still try to understand your side – then they are probably not pressuring you, and you can Conversation likely to continue looking for common ground.

If you are like me, then you made a conscious decision to avoid all people under the age of 25. But sometimes you are stuck in a room with a tiny baby who just wants to cry and drool and that feels like you.The biggest fear is that they will poop on you.

Fortunately, we are smart adults and can easily outsmart a stupid baby to like us. After all, babies literally know nothing, and we at least know something, so let’s make them smile and giggle and love us unconditionally.

First, get them to recognize your face. Babies can see contrasts easily, so put on thick-rimmed glasses (or better yet, sunglasses) so they can see who you are. Growing a beard will also help you spot your face if you are able. While we’re on the subject of contrast, wear some clothes they’ll appreciate – black and white for infants and bright primary colors for toddlers. They also like anything that rattles or makes noise, so add some jingling trinkets that you can easily break off and shake around.

Then, bring some items that will establish you as fun additions. An empty box is a great, safe thing to play with that we adults inexplicably don’t enjoy. If a friendly dog ​​is around, bring them with you and let the baby chase them or pet their fur, just be careful not to let them hurt each other. You can also park them in front of a mirror to make them think they have another baby to play with (Wow! Babies are stupid!). This works until the baby is around 18 months old.

And if all else fails, just play Peek-a-Boo. It will make them happy and not cry until they poop. Until then, you should be able to leave quickly.

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