As the world opens up again, invitations from their kids ‘friends light up all over parents’ phones for some good old-fashioned summer fun, which is a relief for many who have been locked up with their kids all day last year. Despite the increase in social activity among adults, a coronavirus vaccine for children under 12 will likely not arrive until later this year. Add to this the typical, non-pandemic reasons parents can be careful about saying yes to a certain game date, and our kids could face more social rejections than usual this summer. That’s fine – as long as we cautiously decline.
In spite of everything Safety precautions that families have in place for a game date, there will be times when the other family declines an invitation or doesn’t even respond, which can result in harm to the host child. But as those responsible for our children’s social activities and safety, parents have the opportunity to set an example of courtesy and kindness when invitations conflict with their wellbeing or schedule. Not everyone is comfortable in every situation, but ghosting another little kid is never cool.
Here are some reasons parents turn down game dates – and (hopefully) how to do it without embarrassment, harsh feelings, or tears.
Why parents refuse game dates
Playdates are popular because they give the non-adopting parents the opportunity to have some time to themselves and the children the opportunity to be social and independent with friends outside of the daycare or school structure. But sometimes parents just don’t feel comfortable leaving their child with another family.
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A 2019 CS Mott Children’s Hospital’s National Children’s Health Survey asked parents of children between the ages of four and nine how they deal with invitations to game dates. If the game was at someone else’s home, more than 41 percent of respondents said they were concerned about having their children looked after, which ranks just above fear of swearing, pollutants, or injury – the latter is especially worrying when the other family has a pool or trampoline.
In addition, 17 percent of the parents surveyed said that their decision to accept a playdate was influenced by how well their child copes with strangers, more than 10 percent were worried about their child’s fear of pets, and around eight percent worried about the nutrition of their children kids or health.
If the kids are young enough not to be vaccinated (or the parents are concerned or don’t know the vaccination status of other family members), this may be reason enough to do a rain check at a game date this summer.
When should you decline a playdate?
While safety is the number one reason parents turn down game dates, the survey also found that fewer than half of parents asked another parent about safety concerns before a game date, and only one in four parents were asked these types of questions themselves . Some families assume their child safety values are shared, and many parents feel embarrassed to voice their concerns for fear of hurting another parent’s feelings or questioning their parenting skills.
However, the best way to find out if you and another parent share the same values about safety is pretty simple: ask them questions. The survey showed that most parents would not be offended if another parent discussed these issues before a game date. Some parents found it helpful to write a checklist to ensure that all safety issues (COVID or otherwise) are addressed and to discuss any food safety concerns before allowing their child to move to another home. If their answers are not to your satisfaction, then it’s time to decline this game date – nice.
How to politely decline a playdate
According to Romper‘Honesty is generally the best policy for declining a match date with decency and sensitivity. You may not want to fully explain the reasons for an invitation being turned down – be it related to social distancing, health concerns, or other matters – but most parents know that your child’s safety is more important than social engagement activity, and honestly too to be sure is better than to be caught telling a lie.
If you are too honest, you run the risk of offending the other parent, you can always let them down by saying that you are busy with “family time”. (Just don’t hang up a false rain check unless you want to be on the hook for a future meetup.) If you want to say yes but having the game date at their house gives you a break for some reason, you can make a change Suggest the venue to your home or a nearby park. You won’t get the time alone you crave, but you won’t be depriving your child of much-needed social time either.
Whatever you decide, answer quickly and politely so you don’t let the other child down.
