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We may not know, but many of the words and phrases we use all day can casually disparage others. Many of our idioms and common language clichés could be called Ableist, or discriminatory for people with disabilities. Some of these terms have become rarer as more people become more aware of their problematic origins (kids today don’t like the “R-word” nearly as much as they did a few decades ago), but many of them are still used all the time.

61 million adults in the United States currently live with disabilities, according to CDC data. The sheer size of the disabled American population likely means you know someone who has one. (My brother has one leg, for example.) Being ableist in our language – unwanted or not – is something we should absolutely avoid. It confirms unconscious biases and reinforces an unnecessary divide between people from different communities.

To that end, here are some common phrases and words that you should absolutely remove from your vocabulary in the hope that they will eventually disappear from the dictionary altogether.

“It’s so lame.”

It’s easy to throw the word “lame” at someone or something that has let you down. But the word is defined by Oxford language dictionaries as “(especially of an animal) that cannot walk easily as a result of an injury or illness to the leg or foot.” Using it to describe a person is insulting –however, it was used just that way for years. So don’t use it today to signal your frustration that Best Buy PS5s sold out.

“Don’t be such a joke.”

You may still remember your days on the playground. Medically after National Institute of Health, “Spastic” is an outdated term that refers to the uncontrolled physical movements of a person, typically caused by damage to the spinal cord. In the UK, the word has become a common insult at the “R-word” level in the US, while in the US As such, the word is a less polluting substitute for “clumsy,” but both uses are for those in the know Suffering from disease, dehumanizing. So don’t use it to describe your dog’s strange behavior.

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“This is crazy / insane / insane.”

Calling someone crazy is fantastically dismissive considering how little we are usually aware of other people’s problems. As We wrote at the beginning of the year: “Most of the time it’s a word pulled out to describe women, and often used by men. If a friend or colleague is behaving in a way that you find uncomfortable or bothersome, find a precise way to talk to them about it. Don’t call them crazy. ”Don’t call them“ crazy ”either. And don’t describe the line at Burger King as “insane”.

Crippled, just generally

In the past, the word “crippled” describes a physical handicap due to an accident, a handicap during childbirth or another illness. You don’t have to refer to a marginalized community to accurately describe another person (or thing or system) that has a defect of one kind or another.

“He suffers [insert medical condition]. “

You might assume that someone with a disability “suffers” considering that their life may be shaped by circumstances other than your own. But people with disabilities are not as pessimistic about their lives as the writer Erica Mones wrote Pop Sugar earlier this year. “People often use ‘suffering’ to describe disability because they understand disability as a condition that causes only pain and suffering,” wrote Mones. “However, like everyone else, disabled people can lead full lives.” In short, don’t define someone by their disability; This is not your business.

“Falling on deaf ears”

This can be avoided particularly easily by speaking very precisely, because not listening or not wanting to understand is by far not the same as not being able to hear at all. The person you are describing is not deaf, so it’s probably best not to compare their reluctance to a community of one million people in the United States.

“I’ve been cleaning all weekend, I’m so compulsive.”

There are many other ways that one can describe a person’s accuracy or propensity to be clean and tidy without reference to this real personality disorder. To say that someone you know is “OCD” because they keep their desk more organized than yours is incredibly reductive.

Describing someone as “wheelchair-bound”

Although this term is often used without the intent to be offensive, such as “suffering” above, the use of this term to describe someone using a wheelchair ultimately defines the whole person through their disability, rather than simply seeing them as a facet to acknowledge his own life. It is easy to understand that there is so much more to a person than their physical abilities or limitations.

“You are such a lunatic / lunatic / psycho.”

If someone gets on your nerves or behaves disproportionately, it is generally not the right way to describe them in words that are often associated with marginalizing and influencing neuro-atypical people. These words “[capture] you in a snapshot as that dangerous, unpredictable, other soul, ”Christopher Lane, Professor at Northwestern University, said the BBC. People with mental illnesses are not to be ostracized, which is why you should avoid describing them with proven hurtful words like “crazy” or “psycho” – let alone throwing them at your friends in the middle of an argument.

Photo: fizkes (Shutterstock)

So you and your partner have made a decision to have children. (Or maybe you didn’t “decide” so much in days that you felt sick before figuring it out.) Anyway, congratulations and welcome to another stage of adulthood when your life falls short of the needs of a tiny, Always breaking baby with no neck strength or bowel control.

But jokes aside, becoming a parent is a profound lifestyle change, and parenting with someone who may have different views on how to raise the child is a hotbed of potential differences of opinion. Here are some important questions to discuss with your partner before having a child.

It’s not about putting all “we live in a society” on you, but modern American culture promotes two main goals: getting married and making money … lots of money. From there, you could move on to secondary, related goals, such as: B. Have children and buy a house. And while a successful career can buy you a nice house, help you afford those children, and bring you many other things that you probably want, how can you have both a successful career and a healthy relationship? when you work all the time? damn time?

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The first tip is important for your love affair, but also for your entire life: if you don’t have the time, you have the time. Don’t send business emails over dinner. Don’t even check your work email after you leave work unless there’s an emergency.

It is natural that you want to please your bosses, but remember that you are human and not just a cog in a machine. If companies weren’t sending anyone to your funeral or picking up your sick child from school, why should you give them your personal time?

While working, be attentive, show your skills, but also don’t be afraid to set limits and let them know that you are not available 24/7. When you are with your significant other, try to be present with them.

As an entrepreneur, of course, that can’t work. If so, you still need to make sure that you allow time for yourself and your love. You will not be effective as a leader if you are annihilated and starving for affection all the time. Make a schedule and stick to it.

When they feel more involved in your work, they are less likely to see it as an obstacle to communicating and spending time with you – and less likely to resent them.

Work hard, play hard – together

Your partner should be just that: a partner. Ideally, they support your jobs and you support theirs. Ask them if they’d like to help with your work, whether it’s a Saturday afternoon gathering papers to take away or proofreading the draft of your stressful email to a large client. When they feel more involved in your work, they are less likely to see it as an obstacle to communicating and spending time with you – and less likely to resent them.

No, you probably can’t get your significant other into the actual office all the time, but find ways to make them feel like they are part of you for who you are for a living as long as it’s not weird in your company culture. Bring them with you to company parties and excursions, for example. When you get home tell them about your work day and ask about theirs. The work shouldn’t be a big, mysterious blockage between the two of you.

When you’re free, your hard-earned cash can be spent on a vacation or even a movie to show how grateful you are for your job giving you moments like this.

Also plan vacation and home office times for your jobs together and spend this time eating your favorite foods and having fun. You both work hard! When you’re free, your hard-earned cash can be spent on a vacation or even a movie to show how grateful you are for your job giving you moments like this. Together, make an effort not to combine work with the grueling hours, micromanaging bosses, or spending time apart, but rather with the fun times your paychecks make possible. Feeling involved in each other’s work life and developing a healthier relationship with that work life will help you grow together.

Communicate no matter what

If your job doesn’t necessarily involve having your phone close by, text your loved one. Damn it, do it in the bathroom. Call your lunch break. Send flowers to your office unexpectedly. You may be stressed out or very busy, but try not to turn nine to five into a lover-free time. Segmenting your life like this will drive you crazy and make them feel neglected. Plus, they’d probably like to hear from you during your work day as well.

Jarrod Thorson, a full-time warehouse manager who works at a friend’s pizzeria at night, said that when it comes to keeping a marriage strong despite hectic work hours, he recommends “talking and making a plan.”

His wife, he said, works full-time in an office and part-time in retail, and with her four jobs, two children, and various dogs, cats, and farm animals, finding time to maintain the relationship can be difficult.

“My wife gets stressed when things get out of hand, so I make a plan ahead of time to avoid a lot of grumpy conversations,” he said. “Make sure you have time to connect. Quick phone calls or SMS help throughout the day. Her love language is service, so setting up her coffee in the morning or letting the animals out so she can sleep a few more minutes can start the day well. She will leave me random notes with a joke or say she loves me. Small things go a long way. “

Stand up if you don’t do it right

Even if you want to be a totally devoted employee, partner, parent, friend, and everything else, at some point your work will always get in the way. This is how it works in the capitalist USA of A. You can plan a perfect picnic with your boo and will be called to the office on the same Saturday. You can also sometimes get overwhelmed by the stress of your job and forget to send a text message or otherwise keep your half of the partnership up.

If that happens, you own it. Say you are sorry and mean business. Your partner probably understands; they work too. Even so, you owe them that excuse.

“Don’t let things fester,” said Thorson. “Sorry if you were an asshole on the phone. Think of each other. Tell them when it is you. Listen to each other. “

He pointed out that if his wife is tense or upset, he will either leave her room to find out the cause or “call her and try to figure it out” so that they can move on and enjoy the work -Free time they meet. Always address problems directly, because you don’t have this chance for at least 40 hours a week. “Sure, we are very busy, but there is no one I’d rather be busy with,” he said. That is the goal.

Screenshot: Khamosh Pathak

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