Anyone who’s ever tried teaching a child to tie their shoes knows how long it can take to get things going right – and how frustrated they can be in the meantime. But at some point there comes a moment when it clicks. And in that moment, when their failures become successes and their persistence pays off, a little trust builds in their own abilities.
Some children are naturally born confident, but for others, confidence is a muscle that needs to be strengthened over time. Here are some ways parents can help instill more confidence in their children – and maybe even in themselves.
Be a role model when learning something new
The saying goes: “Fake it until you can do it”. And that phrase can actually be used to set an example for your children as you learn something new. Child Mind Institute suggests that when you master a new skill it’s okay to acknowledge your own fear – but project enthusiasm when you understand it. Similar, Psychology today adds that parents should keep all negative comments to themselves and treat themselves with grace and kindness. You wouldn’t say anything mean to your children if they have trouble or make a mistake, so don’t talk about yourself like that either.
Celebrate their resilience
You didn’t beat your favorite video game on the first try; it took several weeks of attempts to finally defeat the big villain and save the princess, but you reached the end because you didn’t give up.
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Perseverance is an essential skill to teach a child from a young age, whether they’re trying to cross the finish line at a round of Mario Kart, learning how to use a pencil, or throwing a soccer ball. Be specific with your praise instead of using blanket statements like “good work” or “you are so smart”. Praising the effort instead of the result goes a long way toward promoting resilience.
Help children find what interests them
It can be difficult to instill independence in a child by just showing them what interests you. If your son or daughter is looking to try a new sport, learn to play the flute, or acquire any other skill that catches their eye, this is an opportunity for them to develop their own identity and build confidence in things they enjoy.
According to Child Mind InstituteWhen a child’s talent grows in an area they are passionate about, it is a natural boost to their self-esteem.
set goals
Any dream can seem big in a child’s eyes, and the chances are they aren’t sure how to turn it into reality, which can be daunting. Child Mind Institute recommends that parents help break down tasks into easily achievable goals. This method that Psychology today referred to as “scaffolding”, gives your child a taste of success and a structure that they can use throughout their life to build their self-confidence and make their dreams come true.
Don’t do anything for your child either – coach and encourage them instead. Not only will this help them taste how successful it is for themselves (and show them that you have confidence in their abilities), but it will also help parents manage their own fears and be in control. By constantly intervening, children never learn anything for themselves. Start by sitting down with your child and making a list of what they want to achieve. then build from there.
Let your children fail
Billy Joel is not a psychologist, but the Piano Man sang in his hit “You’re Only Human” that “you learn more from your accidents than anything you could ever learn in school”. We don’t advise your child to skip school, but we grow and develop through failure. If your child does not achieve their goals, Child Mind Institute says it can help them find another solution to achieve their goal – and it might even encourage them to redouble their efforts in the future, which will also help them become resilient adults.
We are human. We all make mistakes. Help your child realize that failure is a part of life. It’s not something to linger on, but something to learn from and move on. Keep putting them to success, teaching them to accept their imperfections, and letting them know that you will love them no matter what.
