Photo: Ken Stocker (Shutterstock)
Not everyone in need of help will ask for it, and not everyone who asks for help will do it the same way. Sometimes what we know as a “cry for help” doesn’t necessarily seem to come from desperation. For this reason, it is helpful to understand the ways in which someone in a vulnerable state is asking for someone to notice them – even if their words or body language are not reflecting a personal crisis.
What is a cry for help?
It is more of a slang term than one defined by medical journals, but in the traditional sense a cry for help is a subtle expression of the need for help in dealing with serious internal unrest.
Or as Medical dictionary defines it:
A popular expression for verbalization – e.g. telephone calls to crisis intervention hotlines or actions – e.g. standing on the outside ledge of a high building, notes left in conspicuous places that indicate a state of extreme psychological stress or fear and suicide risk.
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We might associate the term as precursors to suicide, such as cuts or other non-life-threatening acts of self-harm. But when it comes to looking for help, a cry for help doesn’t necessarily have to be so violent. It can manifest in a more subtle way that is easier to miss.
What is a cry for help that is not so easily recognized?
To understand what a “cry for help” might look like, you need to recognize some of the hallmarks of depression. The Drug Abuse Management and Mental Health Services (SAMHSA) lists the following behaviors as indicators of emotional stress and potential harbingers of self-harming behavior:
- Eat or sleep too much or too little
- To withdraw from people and things
- Have little or no energy
- Have unexplained pain, such as constant abdominal pain or headache
- Feeling helpless or hopeless
- Excessive smoking, drinking, or use of drugs, including prescription drugs
- To worry often; feeling guilty but not sure why
- Remember to harm or kill yourself or someone else
- Difficulty transitioning to private or work life
You will find that many of these behaviors, whether it’s overeating or taking prescription drugs, are not necessarily signs of stress. Certainly, many people who suffer from depression do not express their problems out of fear Exclusion or the stigma associated with it – especially men. It’s important to understand the more nondescript symptoms, which don’t necessarily seem like a blatant request, because they can definitely creep in if a loved one shows them.
What are some of the more glaring calls for help?
You will find that what we might classify as a cry for help rarely includes the words “I need help.” Still, some of the ways a person can express help and compassion are more outward-looking, like through the University of Wisconsin, Madison Health Department:
- Oral or written evidence of suicide or death
- Talk about being a burden on others
- Feelings of hopelessness or helplessness
- Suicide and / or death threats
- Look for things that could be used in a suicide attempt, such as guns and drugs and others
The list of behaviors is not a standard problem either; There are many ways people can express a level of helplessness, so it is important that other people are present and engaged in their lives.
How to speak to someone who may be crying out for help
Empathy is always a good start. By expressing that you feel for someone’s predicament without blaming them, even if their behavior was self-destructive, you show that you ultimately followed their call. The Cleveland Clinic recommends Put yourself in the shoes of the person “without judgment”. It’s good to keep eye contact while listening and say things like, ‘That sounds harsh. I’m sorry you’re going through this’ and ‘I’m always here for you’. “
Naturally, Therapy recommendation is always an option if that person hasn’t already considered it. Knowing what you can’t fix is also an important lesson, but it’s important to have a system of support for the problems that you know you can help with.
