Any type of interaction with a negative or downright mean person is uncomfortable on so many levels. Unfortunately, they are everywhere and fundamentally inevitable. You know the guy: rude and inconsiderate right off the bat, as if you think it’s perfectly acceptable to treat other people like crap, but also to expect everyone else to show them the utmost respect.
The problem is that everyone has their limits. When faced with relentlessly negative people, it can be very easy to bow to the other person’s level and respond to their hostility towards your own.
But a successful trainer Doug and Lynn Nodland have a different strategy: countering the other person’s negativity with kindness – a topic they wrote about A recent article for the Chanhassen villager. Here’s how they suggest we do that.
First, deal with your own emotions
As the Nodlands point this outIt’s a good idea to remember that we are all human, and we each go through certain times in our lives when we are particularly stressed, frustrated, or angry. When we find ourselves in this state, we can easily get angry or send out negative emotions without even realizing it. Maybe you met the other person on a really bad day.
G / O Media can receive a commission
But as therapists like to tell us, even though we cannot control other people, we can learn how to control our own negative emotions and behaviors. According to the Nodlands, the first thing we should do is understand why we feel a certain way:
What creates stress and negative emotions? Are you overwhelmed with responsibilities at work or at home? Is it a person making you angry or upset? Are your feelings towards people or situations triggered by things that happened to you in the past? Once you understand the root cause of your feelings of negativity, you can make changes to reduce the stress you are experiencing.
From there, take a minute to identify things that you can actually change (i.e., not anything or everyone), and then take action to change them. If the problem can’t be changed, see if you can at least distance yourself from it.
“As you make difficult changes, you should eliminate other stressors as much as possible,” the Nodlands write. “It is also helpful to convert negative thought patterns into more positive ones.”
How to respond to negativity with kindness
Now that you’ve processed (and hopefully controlled) your own emotions, it’s time to deal with the other person. Here are five options The Nodlands suggest we do that::
- Avoid mirroring other negative actions and thoughts. Treat them kindly. This could mean apologizing when appropriate. Example: “I’m sorry if I did or said something that hurt you.” Acknowledge the views of others without judging.
- Speak in a pleasant, friendly voice, as if you were speaking to a friend. Keep your voice under control and avoid anger.
- Maintain an open and relaxed posture. Avoid rolling your eyes, sighing, or showing any other negative body language.
- To breathe! Inhale a few long, slow, deep breaths through your nose, take a short break, and then let your breath out. Diaphragmatic breathing relaxes you and re-centers your emotions.
- Smile, a real, friendly smile. Smiling can help you and others feel good.
Will your kind smile make the negative person think about their own behavior and improve it? Probably not. But at least you can get away from the interaction and feel good about how you handled it.
