Obviously, very little can or should be done by a parent to explain divorce to a child who is not yet verbal. However, a young toddler is likely to need an explanation if they are getting divorced and one parent is moving out.
The trick with a young toddler, Stern says, is to keep the message simple, fact-based, and neutral – and then repeat, repeat, repeat. Similar to how toddlers like to read the same book or watch the same video over and over, repetition helps them internalize the message. In practice, it might sound like this: “Daddy will be living in another house and you can visit him there.” And when you then ask where Daddy is, confirm with: “Daddy’s in a different house now, do you remember? You will be visiting Daddy in the new house soon. “
For children this young, showing them instead of telling them will help you get the message “we have you”. Fulfill all of their needs as consistently as ever so that they can continue to feel safe.
Also, Stern warns that babies and toddlers pick up on the negative things you say about the other person through your tone, micro-facial expressions, and body language – even if you think you’re masking them. So if you say something like, “Well, isn’t he such a wonderful father?” In a bright voice and a fake, plastic smile, your child will likely know that there is something wrong with that.
“You don’t have to verbally understand what’s going on for your BS detector to go out and say, ‘I’m not feeling well’ or ‘I’m not feeling safe’ because something is wrong here.” She says.
