Ever had a colleague you wanted to move from the boardroom to the bedroom? Of course you have. Office novels are the juiciest forbidden tropes: you want to sleep with your coworker even more because you know you shouldn’t.
Your grandparents may have met at work and caused absolutely no problems, but things are different in the #MeToo era. Meeting up with a colleague can be awkward at best and catastrophic at worst. Plus, your company doesn’t want to solve any legal issues related to power imbalances, so you already know that your hiring officer may be less than thrilled that you even googled how to get away with it. (Hope you don’t use your work computer! You know they can monitor this, right?)
And yet, like so many office workers before you, you can persist. With that in mind, read on to learn the best way to meet up with a coworker … if you have to.
Find out if they want you back
The first step here may seem obvious, but we all know from reporting over the past few years that there is a huge difference between two equals in a company that merges and a powerful person who writes their status over an inferior to get some satisfaction. Never be that person. If you are able to have power over your working crush, don’t go after them. Don’t waste your time. It’s unethical and it’s gross. It can also sue you or cost you your job.
Conversely, if someone in a position of power over you is chasing you, don’t be afraid to let the human resources department know, especially if you are conflicted or feeling nervous, their interest could somehow affect your job. (If you actually want to try to get yourself to the top of your industry we may follow this article up in the future, but right now we’re not here to discuss it. Focus on doing your job well.)
It’s easy to tell if a colleague sees you the same way or shares your fantasy of meeting a colleague. Office Christmas parties, after work happy hour, and general jokes about Slack can give you pretty much all the pointers you need. If the object of your cross-departmental affection doesn’t seem to be in it, leave it alone. Don’t be a scare. Don’t scare them into coming to work. Find another fantasy and let it do its job in peace.
In the same way, you need to agree on when to post on Instagram or meet each other’s families. When you see a coworker, you need to work together to decide if and when you know your boss and HR
Check the company manual
Most companies have no rules against employees who date or join forces. Despite the rumors you may have heard about the water cooler, it is highly unlikely that you will be fired for perking up with the person on the other side of your cubicle, though your employer may still point out some consequences.
“I’ve fired a lot of people for many things,” said Laurie Reuttimann, a former HR manager who recently published a work culture manifesto. Bet on youand she happened to meet her current husband at work. “I’ve never fired anyone because they were with a colleague. Really never. Not even. “
It is of course different if you and your professional partner have different powers within the organization. In 2019 he was the CEO of McDonald’s pushed out of the fast food giant after announcing its amicable relationship with a subordinate. The company prohibits managers from romantic relationships with subordinates.
Jo, a 28-year-old food service worker in the Midwest, also had consequences – but also no firing – for getting engaged to a colleague in her restaurant. She told Lifehacker that once management found out, the two had different schedules.
Decide whether you want to let the boss know or not
Whether you’re just dating or going out with someone, every couple is faced with the “What are we?” Conversation at some point. In the same way, you need to agree on when to start posting yourself on Instagram or meeting each other’s families in a standard relationship. When you see a coworker, you need to work together to decide if and when to get to know your boss and HR.
Jo explained that she and the colleague she was dating decided to keep their relationship a secret from their coworkers. She still doesn’t know how to do it, but the duo’s employees found out anyway and then whistled the lovers off to a manager who confronted Jo and her new boyfriend separately.
“We said we would deny it, but under pressure I told my boss the truth. We literally didn’t tell anyone, so honestly I felt really uncomfortable that someone was so interested in what I was doing outside of work. Since we had agreed to deny it, he told her when she confronted him immediately afterwards that we weren’t together, ”she recalled.
That obviously only added more suspicion and drama to the situation. They were separated shortly afterwards, at least on schedule.
“It is so arrogant to assume that two people who have an hourly job are not trustworthy to show up and work,” said Reuttimann, criticizing this “paternalistic approach” as one of the reasons people hate their job in the first place. She said the decision to tell HR “depends on the type of relationship, the length of the relationship, and the intensity of the relationship,” and as an industry veteran, she never particularly wanted to know if employees were involved unless they could pose a legal problem.
If you give people a reason to talk, the conversation will be routed to HR and HR will start worrying …
Be an adult
Don’t get handy at work. Don’t bang at work. Don’t let your relationship or contact status distract you from your co-workers, make them jealous, or draw unwanted attention to your situation. This is not a high school. You don’t have to let everyone know you can do it, we promise, and if conquest really motivates you here please reconsider your priorities. As Jo’s experience has shown, your employees will likely find out your business anyway. So don’t give them extra reasons to make your contacts or relationship the Drama du Jour.
While Reuttimann claimed she had never fired anyone for an inter-office relationship, she said she definitely had to ask the lovers to “get [their] shit together ”and grow up a little.
“As long as there is no drama, nobody cares,” she said. “If you give people a reason to talk, the conversation goes to HR and HR starts worrying, ‘What if there is a lawsuit? I don’t know why there would be, but what if there is a lawsuit? What if people are fighting in the office? ‘”
That brings us to another important point: if you break up or stop joining, don’t let hostility interfere with your work. Don’t fight in a break room. If you don’t think you can keep your demeanor professional after a breakup, don’t pursue a work relationship at all.
Reuttimann has seen lost work “over and over again” and has found that it is particularly difficult because the parties involved still have to see each other every day during the mourning process. You may be reminded of your ex-flight every time you walk to your desk, open your email list, or get drinks with coworkers after clocking out. You could even be part of a team so close that you learn, like it or not, when they see someone new.
“But, you know what?” She offered. “What if you live in the same neighborhood with someone? [you break up with]? And you’re in the same grocery store? Breaking up is never easy. While the work increases dimensionality, it is definitely complicated. “
There’s no shame in falling in love with or just wanting to sleep with someone you already have so much in common with.
Have fun
American work experience can best be summed up with Blink-182: “Work sucks, I know.”
Work sucks. We know. Sometimes you need a distraction or something to look forward to. You need a partner who understands what you are dealing with in your stressful job or who can stick to your demanding schedule. You may not have time to meet someone outside of your company if you work overtime every week and work late at night in the office. There’s no shame in falling in love with or just wanting to sleep with someone you already have so much in common with.
Remember, when you and a co-worker are chasing each other, even for a few rampages, you should be enjoying your time together. Life is short and working hours are long.
“Even if you’re working at the intersection of purpose and meaning, there are workdays that just sucks, right? It can be a slog even if you love what you do and it really is a sign of optimism and hope that for money that isn’t always great you can go to a place and fall in love with someone even if it is only a brief brief, fleeting moment of love, ”thought Reuttimann. “I think that’s a really nice, sweet comment on the human condition, that in any setting – good, bad, indifferent – we can still make really important meaningful connections.”
