Take fire files is intoxicating, isn’t it? Sending them is exciting and hot, as is receiving them. It’s all fun and games … until sometimes it isn’t.
Once you’ve sexted you know there are ups and downs, especially when you stop talking to the person on the other end of the line. Your exes and previous Tinder matches still have these photos, and knowing they are available on someone else’s phone and possibly at a game for distribution to people you didn’t approve can be frightening.
Whether your files have been leaked, leaked, or just scared of it, this is where you can regain a sense of control.
A leak is definitely less of a professional or social death sentence than it used to be, although it doesn’t make it feel any less harmful.
Touch the base with the person who has it
When it is safe, reach out to the one-time recipient of these photos and ask them to delete any hot recordings they may have years later. Provided your breakup was amicable and you’re not a vengeful powerwire prone to cruelty, you will likely say it isn’t a problem. Use your judgment here. If the person is still hurt from being dumped or otherwise showing signs of revenge, don’t open them and remind them that they may have embarrassing photos somewhere deep in their inbox.
In the future, establish some basic rules with potential sexting partners so that you do not experience this anxious cycle so often. Of course, you never expect someone you speak to turn you on, but always be open about your expectation that they will erase everything you send. Promise them that you will also delete everything you get from them – and make sure you do it.
It’s better to know if yours are out there, but even if they are, this isn’t the end of the world. You’re not alone.
Try to be practical
Don’t go into a panic spiral about whether or not someone is giving away pictures of your private parts without actually knowing that they are. We all have exes. They all have a potential compromise. It is what it is. Your photos are out there, just like everyone else’s. The likelihood that someone willfully fumble with them is actually quite small, unless otherwise stated. Who really has the time?
There are a few ways that you can also remember this improbability and arm yourself with the specific knowledge about whether your nightmare scenario will come true. Use a reverse image lookup site like TinEye to browse your own photos and see if they have been posted on a message board, for example.
Here’s the truth: it’ll suck a lot when they’re released, but it’s much better for you to know. Files are the big balance anyway; Everyone has had them since the advent of digital cameras and smartphones, so this stuff is no longer new. A leak is definitely less of a professional or social death sentence than it used to be, although it doesn’t make it feel any less harmful. Vanessa Williams, who was stripped of her Miss America crown for nude photos, is a thing of the past. Jennifer Lawrence, who refuses to apologize when hers appeared online, is the future. It’s better to know if yours are out there, but even if they are, this isn’t the end of the world. You’re not alone.
Would you like to ease the anxiety even more? Lock down your social media for a while.
Danielle, a Minnesota woman, described Lifehacker as she called an “emotional affair” with a married man, only to stop after his wife found her files in his DMs and threatened to divorce him.
“She looked at my Instagram stories and tried to add me to her personal page, then her fitness page, and then her business page,” said Danielle, who has a personal account that requires follow-up requests. To avoid the understandably angry wife finding out her personal information, she said: “I blocked my Instagram, removed everything from my profile and changed my profile photo to something general.”
These actions halted what Danielle called a “panic in full swing” over the idea that her digital lover’s real wife might be able to identify and connect with her real husband. She’s been a lot calmer and felt more in control since de-personalizing her social media. Even so, “it took a few weeks” for her nerves to subside. So don’t expect instant results.
Center yourself
When someone shares your intimate photos, keep in mind that they say a lot more about their character than they do about your body.
Janely Martinez, a Utah-based woman, went through this a few years ago. After Martinez and a four-year-old friend decided they didn’t want to get married and split up, they waited a while longer. Eventually they found a new boyfriend and happiness with him – but this ex didn’t like it very much. He started sending Martinez their own files as a mockery long after they forgot he even had them.
He also sent photos that they hadn’t sent him at all. Martinez concluded but never proved he still had the iCloud password and was logging in, stealing recent files that weren’t meant for him, and holding them over his head.
Anyone would understandably go mad in this situation. It took Martinez a while to ground himself, but that’s how they did it: “I remember there are so many parts of me that he never knew and will never know. He is a hurt person who will never get the help he needs. I gave unconditional love to a person who only knew how to destroy and control things and people. Since I left him, I’ve been happily married, given medical care and in regular therapy. In all honesty, I am ultimately proud of my body and not responsible for other people’s complicated feelings about me. It’s not my business. “
It will take a while before you feel like it’s not your business, especially if someone is distributing your photos, making them other people’s business in the process. However, remember that you haven’t done anything bad. The dealer is wrong, not you.
Know your legal rights and possibly lawyer
Perhaps you’ve read this far, hoping that the fear of distribution is on your head and isn’t actually happening to you. I hope so for you too.
But if it happened, or if it happens, if you find your files online or if someone notifies you that they are being passed around, you are a victim of what is known as “revenge porn”.
Laws are different in every state, but you’ll be happy to know that there are protections for victims of revenge porn. Start here: The Cyber Civil Rights Initiative breaks the laws from state to state and then takes care of it resources Learn how to remove the images from various websites to which you are authorized.
Find out the exact laws of your state, then go to the police to file a report. There are even lawyers who specialize in revenge porn. Google which ones are near you.
“An experienced attorney can help obtain an injunction or protection warrant from a family court and intervene with a school and / or employer when online content affects the victim’s education, employment or employability,” said Carrie Goldberg, founder by CA Goldberg, PLLC victim rights law firm. “We can help you stand up with law enforcement agencies if a crime involves harassment, underage material, unlawful surveillance, extortion, or violation of any other law. And we can take legal action against the perpetrator. “
She continued, “There are legal tools such as cease and desist orders, the removal of content under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), filings against online service providers, de-anonymizing users’ identities, and subpoenas to reveal the identity of a suspect via social networks to confirm media pages, website hosts and / or IP addresses. “
In short: you have legal options.
However, this guide is all about regaining the feeling of control, whether it be over fear and disaster or a real distribution of your private pictures. You are responsible. You can do whatever you want. Nobody is making you go to the police or do anything else you don’t want to do, but it is imperative that you know you have that choice.
“I really didn’t know I could do anything about it all those years ago,” said Martinez. Nevertheless, they have not reported it yet and feel satisfied with this decision. If you think repeating the details about a police officer or lawyer will only hurt you more, all you need to do is understand your motivations.
Do whatever works for you, but remember that you didn’t do anything wrong and whatever choice you make is the right one.
