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It is easy to think of “personal boundaries” as subjective preferences. But while this is true in a limited sense, a more meaningful examination of our own limits will help us get an idea of how we can implement them more effectively in our lives – especially if they are compromised.
What are personal limits?
Noisy University of California, Berkeleys University Health Service, personal boundaries “are the boundaries and rules we set ourselves in relationships”. This simple definition is more diverse when one delves into the details of personal boundaries and different personality types.
The university explains how personal boundaries manifest across a spectrum of personality types, from rigid, porous, and healthy.
- People with rigid personal boundaries tend to have few close relationships. They will likely keep most people a safe distance, even those they are romantically connected with.
- Someone with porous personal boundaries may seem like they want to please others or may affect their own comfort for the satisfaction of others. They may “fear rejection if they don’t stick with others,” and they may find it difficult to say no.
- A person with healthy personal boundaries often understand your own preferences and do not compromise them. They are not inclined to share personal information or attend to the needs of others in any way that undermines their own integrity.
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This is how people can show personal boundaries, but there is more to the concept of how we recognize when personal boundaries need to be implemented in daily life.
The five types of personal boundaries
Life will stimulate your personal limits to action, and psychologists have distilled the various types of personal limits into physical, emotional, sexual, material, and temporal limits.
- Physical limits Include your willingness to have physical contact, be it someone just sitting next to you on the bus or being rude with friends, for example. The sooner you set the limit, the better. So, for example, if you don’t like hugs, be confident in telling someone, “I’m not a hugger,” and offer a handshake.
- Emotional boundaries if it is the limit or lack of it, make it a point to share intimate feelings with others. It also includes the emotional energy and work that you can put into certain relationships. For example, say something like, “I just don’t have the bandwidth to discuss this, but maybe another time.”
- Sexual boundaries include your comfort and consent to sexual contact. It goes beyond unwanted sexual contact and applies to your relationships with long-term monogamous partners as well. Confidently saying “this is not my thing” or “I don’t do this” can help send a clear message, especially at the beginning.
- Time limits Include how you plan to spend your time and how much time you spend on various activities, such as attending a friend’s birthday party. Saying something like “I can come over but only for a few hours” is an effective way of communicating time limits.
- Material limits include “setting limits on what you share and with whom” according to CBT Psychology Associates. This could mean that you are not lending a car to someone in your family for fear that they will not respect your possessions. Depending on your relationship with someone, you can decide whether or not you want to provide an explanation of why you are not lending out things, for example, but be careful not to get into a debate.
This is how you implement personal limits
As psychotherapist F. Diane Barth in. explained Psychology todayBorders are about knowing yourself and effectively articulating a preference.
She wrote:
Borders are not about pushing people away or trying to control them. It’s about clarifying what is important to you – including your own freedom, your own beliefs, and your own self-esteem. Clarifying and communicating these values can not only help you feel better about yourself, but also, sometimes in surprising ways, improve your relationships with other people.
When you are able to communicate your personal limits effectively to others, you will find that in addition to your own independence and awareness, interpersonal relationships also improve.
