As adults, we understand the nuanced differences between a surprise, a secret and something private. But for children, these concepts can become blurred and overlap – and unfortunately this is a fact that kidnappers take advantage of. Because of this, it is important to define what each concept is and when it is okay – or not – so that they keep certain information to themselves.
surprises
That’s the fun! A surprise should be fun, happy, and temporary. That could mean surprising mom with a homemade cake for her birthday, or surprising her grandparents with the news that a sibling is on their way. It’s kind of a secret, but it’s a good secret because it doesn’t have to be a secret forever and once it is revealed it is meant to create happiness.
If you have a child surprised, please repeat that the reason it is okay to keep this good secret is that they just have to be silent about it for a while and they will eventually upset someone they love or delight .
Secrets
Secrets intended to be kept for a long time are usually intended to protect someone or prevent someone from getting into trouble. Some secrets are relatively harmless, such as having a grandparent making a child eat junk food that you normally wouldn’t be allowed to eat. But other secrets can be harmful or dangerous – namely, a child robber telling them to keep abuse a secret from their parents.
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A great way to help them make up the difference is to talk about safe secrets versus unsafe secrets, much like you are probably already talking about safe touch versus unsafe touch. Here’s what Melissa Pintor Carnagey writes for Sex positive families::
Let them know that if another person tells them to keep something a secret, especially if that person tells them not to tell their parents, it is an unsafe secret and needs to be shared with a trusted adult. Assure them that it is always okay for them to break a secret or promise when it comes to unsafe touch. Make sure they know that you always believe them and will do whatever you can to support their safety, no matter who it concerns or how long it took.
privacy
While we want our children to be careful not to keep secrets – and especially to come to us when they have an unsafe secret – they also need to learn that some things should be kept private. Privacy is not about preventing someone from getting into trouble. It’s about respecting a person’s personal space or information. especially if this information could be embarrassing. For example, if your brother fails his spell check, it’s probably no secret, but telling the neighbors could be embarrassing for him, so it should be kept private.
There are also certain topics or discussions that many families like to keep private, such as: B. in relation to finance or employment. Discussing these things at home allows you to repeat that while this is not a secret, you want to keep the information secret within the family.
You can start teaching children about privacy, especially those related to the body, by implementing household rules that ensure everyone in the family has privacy. These rules include everyone showering or bathing alone (once old enough), dressing in private, knocking on closed bathroom and bedroom doors, and waiting for permission to enter.
