Sometimes when an emotionally manipulative person is trying to cause drama, you may want to offer a response that suits their behavior. Unless you really should consider the opposite: namely, pretending you have nothing to offer when it comes to engagement and staying as calm as a lake on a windless afternoon.
Really manipulative people and alike People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, fuel conflict and chaos. To take away its true vitality from your fighting fire, consider “rocking it gray,” which means acting as if you were as inconspicuous as a stone.
What is gray swings?
Gray rocking means making yourself as uninteresting as possible in order to get rid of potential conflicts. It is not the same as giving the cold shoulder, although it may appear that way at first glance. After all, emotional stonewalling is completely unjustified when it occurs, while the gray rock method is almost a form of survival.
As a therapist Ellen Biros told Healthline, “This strategy involves becoming the most boring and uninteresting person you can be when interacting with a manipulative person.”
It’s not exactly ignoring the other person per se, but rather an emotional distancing to such an extent that the manipulative person’s behavior gets past you. It may not be a necessary practice for most people, but it is particularly suitable for domestic violence survivors who need to come into contact with their perpetrators.
G / O Media can receive a commission
The therapist Shannon Thomas said insider that boring behavior robs the person of the conflict they are provoking, or at least suggests that you don’t have exciting chaos to offer.
She stated:
The gray rock technique removes drama from the interaction in the hope that the toxic person will seek their drug-like addiction elsewhere to create tension for their entertainment.
It sounds simple enough, but “be boring” may not be the easiest or most recognizable instruction, so it helps to get used to the gray rock technique.
How to rock someone gray
The key is to be noncommittal and free, but without completely ignoring the other person. Vague, one-word answers to most questions should suffice. Eye contact is discouraged as you do not want this person to have the tendency to play the game. To stay focused, especially if the person is repeatedly trying to get your attention, try some activity other than a distraction. This could mean staring at your phone or reading a book – basically anything that doesn’t feed the other person’s need for confirmation.
Keeping your interactions brief is also a necessity. This is more true for people who have to interact with abusers or manipulative ex-partners, for example. Here is an opportunity to keep interactions short and your answers short.
Healthline also recommends speaking via text as much as possible if you absolutely need to communicate with the person you are trying to rock gray, and write:
Electronic or telephone communication can work well here as it allows you to avoid lengthy interactions that lead to too stress and make it difficult to maintain a gray rock facade. But gray rocking can work for any type of communication.
The gray rock method is a form of damage control and a worthwhile tactic to try if you ever feel you need it.
