Sibling relationships can look very different. We all know someone who considers his brothers and sisters to be best friends and who is in touch with them every day. But we all probably know at least one person who has a hostile relationship with a sibling, or who may have cut it out of their life completely. (To be clear, sometimes this is absolutely necessary for your own psychological well-being in situations where they do you any harm.)
But a lot of people fall somewhere in the middle: a decent relationship with their siblings that could probably be better. If you fall into this category, here are a few strategies that might help.
What is a “normal” sibling relationship?
There is really no such thing, but there is some limited research to suggest that there are some great advantages to getting along with your brothers and sisters as adults. This is what Dr. Laurie Kramer, Professor of Applied Psychology at Northeastern University in Boston, recently said CNN:
“People seem healthier, happier, and more adjusted – all of these things have to do with positive relationships with siblings, you know, and a lot of it comes from the idea that you can get support and help and validation when you have someone around you have for you who shares a story and understands the world like you do.
What we don’t really know is whether it’s because people are happier less depressed people and are better able to educate themselves Positive relationships with siblings, or a great sibling relationship, help people deal better with all the things that life entails. “
How do you strengthen a sibling relationship?
So how can you reap these benefits if your relationship isn’t quite there right now? Kramer gives some suggestions in the same article for CNN:
Make an effort to create new memories
For siblings who don’t have the strongest relationships, they have a lot (or most) in common with their childhood, which makes it easy to tell the same three stories over and over. Instead, Kramer recommends collecting new memories with your siblings – on your own terms – and ideally doing something together outside of larger family celebrations.
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Everyone ages
Sure, your brother might have the same mischievous side as he was in elementary school, but he’s grown up now and not the same guy who threw a whole container of Ghostbusters slime on your hair. But hopefully he’s grown up a bit since the slime. Kramer emphasizes that we shouldn’t make assumptions about our adult siblings based on who we thought they were as children.
Don’t compare yourself to your siblings
It’s so easy to compare ourselves to our siblings – look at their lives and see how we measure ourselves, and then indulge in the feelings that result. But Kramer says this is a bad idea and we have to keep in mind that everyone makes different decisions and just because you’ve shared a nursery doesn’t mean you have to share a similar path in life.
