Hey, did your phone just ring? It sounded like a match. Congratulations! But what is that? The match is someone super hot who you swiped right on assuming they’d never actually swipe back?
It’s fun and games when you go crazy late at night and acknowledge every cool looking person who appears on the screen. It’s a blessing and a curse to date someone who is stunningly beautiful or who has an ultra-cool job. On the one hand, it’s a dream come true … on the other, it can be a humbling reminder of your own insecurities. Here’s how to prepare for a date with someone who you think isn’t in your league.
Know how to spice up yourself
The key here is that you need to remember that they swiped right or agreed to attend this date because they saw something of value in you. That alone should make you feel great, no matter what makes you nervous about that other person.
You are way cooler than you think and you deserve to go out with a great person.
“If someone agreed to the date and doesn’t haunt you, they most likely don’t think there’s a league problem,” said Hannah May, a 26-year-old Chicago woman who describes herself as a lifestyle blogger and amateur.
“Remember, you have a lot to offer,” she said. “You have to focus on yourself and work on yourself before you date, your period, or you won’t get any of it.”
Make a list of all the cool, wonderful things about yourself. Ask a few trusted friends to contribute to what is probably a long list of your great qualities. Read this list. Internalize it. You are fun! You are attractive! The outsider thought so when he was dating, so wonder why you have self-doubt.
For example, if the nasty internal monologue is the result of belittling an ex, keep in mind that those insults came from a place of hurt or maybe even projection, likely at a difficult time when the relationship broke up. Don’t let the negative, distorted opinion of someone whose connection with you has been negative affect your view and projection of the future. You are way cooler than you think and you deserve to go out with a great person.
RPG from a better perspective
What would you say to a friend in this situation? Imagine if a beloved, lifelong buddy came up to you and said he was nervous about going on a date with someone hotter or more established than him. You’d run away, wouldn’t you? You would tear them to pieces – gently – because they are so hard on themselves.
We all have people who love us, from family members to friends. Think how hurt your mother or brother would be if you heard you comparing yourself negatively to someone else. When you do this, you are implying that your own friends and loved ones have bad taste, you know. And they don’t!
Propose a meeting on neutral ground
If that person is a big hit in the movie industry, you’re not going to a Hollywood hotspot. If they’re a publishing powerhouse, don’t go to the bookstore. If you feel like they have a stunning body, avoid the beach. Essentially, don’t go to a place that exacerbates the feelings of inadequacy you’re already experiencing and take them a step further, even if they don’t realize you’re ahead of the curve here. Instead, suggest a more neutral date location that doesn’t make a highlight of what you see as the incredible attribute in it that makes you so nervous.
Try to be sensible
Have you ever seen the cover of a tabloid? If you have this – and we know you have – then you know that even the hottest, most accomplished people in the world go through breakups. Ask yourself why that could be. Is it possible that in a relationship it’s not just important to be attractive or talented?
You already know that looks, accolades, accolades, and clout get people far, but for everyone to have fulfilling relationships, they also need substance.
Keep this in mind: The person you are about to meet has more to offer than their angelic bone structure or high-paying job. Furthermore, anything else about them could actually suck. To be clear, you may not like them. If they were as perfect as you imagine them to be, wouldn’t they be caught by an equally fancy person?
May referred to the advice her cousin gave her: “Instead of worrying about whether they like you, worry about whether you like them. This change in mentality also helps with nervousness or fear. “
Don’t over-correct here and go into the date and think it’s damaged goods or something, but be sensible. A hot body doesn’t make a perfect partner.
Realize your insecurity without taking it out on the other person
Look, you are nervous and insecure. That’s fine; it happens to everyone. But don’t take out your sense of inadequacy on this person, who is likely perfectly nice and normal, and probably has no idea that you believe they are of an unattainable level of size. As we discovered, they agreed to meet you for a reason. They find you interesting and attractive. This is almost certainly not a romcom-style joke that would make them feel sorry for you, but even if they did, that would just be further proof that they suck and are not right for you.
“I’ve wasted so much time in my life thinking too much about lyrics and what to say, and I feel like these situations never work,” said May, who advises against seeing so damn many To worry. “When someone is with you, you don’t need to rethink your interactions or be confused.”
Don’t go defensive or expect the worst. Talk to yourself strictly, go on a date, find out if you have something in common, and go from there as you would with anyone else. Whatever you have hanging on is entirely your own; This person has no idea that you think you don’t look good or that you feel like you are not advancing in your career. They just want to know about you, so let them know. Let yourself and her be surprised.
