After a breakup, you may be forced to look at your ex’s Instagram (or Facebook or Venmo or LinkedIn …). Ideally, you will see that they are badly off and you could feel like a winner even though you know that is not true: most people don’t post their bad moments online.
They’re more likely to be fine – or pretending – and that can hurt. Also, you shouldn’t be trying to “win” against them anyway. You should try to heal and move on for your own benefit. So it’s time you stopped sneaking up on your ex. Here are a few things you can try.
Why you should block your ex on social media
Here’s the hard truth: not only do you not have to see that person’s posts, but you also need to see your posts. If you’re not blocking your ex because you think she can see you thriving or looking good, then become honest with yourself. You make excuses not to take them out of your life.
In the immortal words of Cynthia Bailey of Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Erase. Clear. Unfollow. Whatever. ”Remove them from your social feeds.
Of course, this most basic step doesn’t guarantee that you won’t search for their profile again. Kelsey Weekman, who writes about internet culture, social media, and Gen Z for Verizon Media, pointed out to Lifehacker that after a performative or symbolic block, many people switch to using their burner or secondary accounts to crawl an ex. She cited a TikTok trend where creators admit doing just that, along with other “toxic” post-breakup behaviors. You’re not alone.
They broke up for a reason. There were problems in the relationship. You gave them enough time and energy.
Call for support to break your creeping habit
Weekman suggested they look Apps that prevent you from using social media overall, but she also found that your own friends can do a similar job.
Katherine, a 29-year-old in the upper Midwest who refused to reveal her last name because she didn’t want her blocked exes to get any new information about her, said her friends helped her break through her creeping habit. For the first two weeks after their breakup, she said she checked her ex-boyfriend’s Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook at least once a day, and sometimes more.
“It was just so weird not being in touch with him and knowing what he was doing all the time. I had the feeling that looking at his social contacts fills the void to text him, ”she said. “I was also afraid that I would see photos of him with other girls.”
This combination of loneliness and fear forced her to check his accounts so often that she even did when she was out with her friends, one of whom eventually snapped during a dinner and forced Katherine to block him on the spot. That is “definitely helpful”.
“You have to decide that you want to stop talking to the person yourself. You have to say, ‘I’ll do what I’m going to do to finally feel better.’ “
Make a decision and hold yourself accountable
Breaking any habit requires self-determination. Your friends can tell you to leave an ex alone, to stop biting your nails or quitting smoking, and you can buy products to help you stop these behaviors. In the same way that you could just ditch your nicotine gum and smuggle a cigarette without your accountable friends, you can bypass a block and fall straight back into your bad crawling habit.
You have to make the decision to quit. Realize that it is not good for you to focus on that other person instead of yourself. They broke up for a reason. There were problems in the relationship. You gave them enough time and energy. The time has come when you stop focusing your attention on them and instead turn them inward.
Plus, it really won’t do you any good if they get a new partner and you stop comparing your dealings with the breakup with theirs and comparing yourself with the new person.
“You have to decide that you want to stop talking to the person yourself. You have to say, ‘I’ll do what I’m going to do to finally feel better,’ ”said Weekman, who looked at the“ TikTok breakup page ”and how the latest single converts its healing into performance or toxicity publicly adopting them by encouraging each other to lurk on exes’ profiles. “If you are really over them, then you are blocking them.”
Do not put yourself down
But what if you’re not really over her yet – at least not yet?
While you need to hold yourself accountable, buckle up and stop the nasty cycle of finding new followers or clues to the identity of your inevitable follower, you also need to remember that healing takes time and is different for everyone. Give yourself some grace. Checking out their insta doesn’t make you feel too bad even after a period of not spying.
Or, as Weekman suggested, use the gross feeling as a barrier to do it all over again.
“Shame can be a really good motivator, but it will never make you feel better,” she said. So yeah, admit you screwed up, but don’t dwell on it.
Katherine agreed, saying, “Of course, this is easier said than done, but try not to feel guilty because we literally all do it. Everyone sneaks up on their exes. “
Then she brought us back to the first point: “But if it gets unhealthy or hurts you, by all means block it.” What are you waiting for?
