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Parents guilt is hard to shake offno matter what decisions you make as a parent. Before spending too much time analyzing your best options for action, however, it is important to take a step back and think about what these actions may or may not teach your child about ambition. For example, mothers who continue their careers after having children can teach more than we realize.
Like Dr. Sarah Allen, a pediatric neuropsychologist, rolled into one last Forbes interview, Our ambition is healthy for our children’s brains, and leaning on it is an opportunity to model a range of effective habits while cultivating a sense of independence in our children.
With so many mothers struggling with guilt over balancing careers and families, we turned to Dr. All, the author of the book, turned. “Raising Brains: Mindful involvement to raise successful, happy, connected children“, In addition to a Trainer for parents. What we really wanted to know was how our own ambitions can help us raise ambitious children.
Children learn by watching us
“Children who develop will model behavior,” said Allen. “It is logical that they also set an example of ambitions. Especially as women, we have been taught to hold back and give everything to our children, but in reality we are doing them a disservice by not modeling ambition and modeling some of these skills that will help them in the long run. ”
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Children learn by watching their parents.
When children grow up seeing their parents set and pursue great goals, this is one of the lessons they will learn. When children grow up, when they see their parents giving up everything, denying who they are and what makes them happy, our children learn that too, whether we want it or not.
“I often say to the mothers I help, ‘Would you tell your own child to give up their whole life and everything that makes them happy to serve their child? No, you would work to help them find a solution so that there is some balance there. ‘ But for some reason we tend to ignore this fact when turning this inward. ”
Combine modeling with active teaching
Children learn by watching their parents. However, as Allen suggests, it is a good idea to combine this behavioral modeling with active teaching.
“When you balance work and homework, we usually do it in our heads. Instead of doing this in your head, when you voice that problem out, your children will learn how to solve problems. They learn and understand how to organize and reorganize their day and priorities in this way. ”
For parents, they could juggle with completing a large work project, their regular work duties, and family responsibilities like picking up their child from soccer practice and ensuring good family time in the evening. Seeing your kids prioritize your responsibilities and how you adapt to the unexpected can help them understand how to prioritize and organize their day.
“Children learn problem-solving skills, independence, organization, initiation, motivation, and all of those things through modeling,” said Allen. “These are learned skills, these are not skills we were born with, and so we have to teach those skills.”
Teaching independence is required to nurture ambition
As parents, we have the impulse to help our children. This impulse comes from good intentions and can be helpful in certain circumstances, but it is also important to have a sense of the limits. Ultimately, our children need to grow into independent adults for whom they need to learn certain skills.
“We are training children to be healthy, happy, and successful adults one day, and to do that they have to start doing a lot for themselves,” said Allen. “So instead of putting the burden on mothers, the burden really is on us as mothers to teach them how to do things for themselves. There was this ‘we have to do everything’ mentality, but that’s not really helpful in teaching your children. ”