When the pandemic broke out last year, the first thing many parents did was give up on any rules they had regarding screen time. It’s not because the pandemic turned us into lazy parents; That’s because so many of us suddenly had to work in the same rooms where our children were studying, playing, and arguing with one another.
Their sports, club and extracurricular activities have all been canceled and we weren’t sure how the virus spread in the first place, let alone how to safely get our kids together with friends for socially distant outdoor play dates. For many of our children, tablets and smartphones became their lifeline for their friends – one of the few ways to connect with the outside world that the pandemic hadn’t taken away. We let them log in and before we knew it, the extra screen time became way too much screen time and bad habits were formed.
I have known for a while that my own 10 year old’s screen time was out of control, and I decided that the summer break, with its pleasant weather and camp facilities, was the ideal time to transition to a more restricted screen time lifestyle. But I wasn’t sure how to deal with it without making it appear as a punishment, so I reached out to child psychiatrist Dr. Helen Egger for advice on where to start and how to develop new, healthier screen time habits.
Forgive yourself first
Most of this introduction is trying to justify my own upbringing over the past 15 months. I believe every word of it, and yet we know excessive screen time is not good for our kids. But the first thing Egger, co-founder and chief physician of Little otter, a children’s mental health service, told me that parents need to forgive themselves.
“The first thing is to really take a break, and that is what all parents really should do,” says Egger. “This has been such a difficult time with so many losses … and I think we need to realize that this pandemic has been an emergency and a trauma for everyone.”
So, hey, we got through a pandemic and maybe our kids are on their screens too much now, but that’s one thing we can fix – and they’ll be fine.
G / O Media can receive a commission
Dopamine makes you want more
What makes a child’s dependence on screens so widespread is the physiological response they experience while using them. Of course, over time, using devices becomes a habit – think about how you pick up your cell phone the second after the alarm goes off in the morning. But it’s more than that.
Video games and apps “are built to keep us on their platform,” says Egger. “They stimulate a part of our brain that makes dopamine, the reward system; they call dopamine the “feel-good neurotransmitter”. So it’s important to realize that it’s some kind of habit that can be difficult to break the cycle because not only does it offer something positive in a social way, but that screen time and games make your brain want more . “
That’s not bad in and of itself – but when it’s hard to control or interferes with other activities that you used to enjoy, like sports, independent play time, arts and crafts, or family time, it’s time to get a grip on them to get.
Assess actual screen time usage – and your own
You may feel like your child’s screen time has increased over the course of the pandemic, but if they’re old enough to access these devices without your help, you may not have a full picture of how and when they dive in to pay attention when to sign up, especially if it is sometimes more problematic than others.
While you’re at it, Egger says it’s a good idea to take stock of your own screen usage, which has probably increased over the past year. You’re free to talk about reducing screen time, but if you also check business email at the dinner table, you’re sending a contradicting message. Chances are, we can all find ways to reduce the amount of time our eyes glued to a screen in a day.
If you are not sure where to start, The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has a media usage calculator that you can use to enter all the ways they (and each family member) spend the hours of a day, from sleeping and eating times to household chores, physical activities, family time, and, yes, screen time. You can fill this out with them to help them get an idea of how disproportionate their screen usage might be compared to other activities.
Once you have a better grip on family screen usage, you can use this information to look for areas to work on developing new habits. They used to wake up and immediately turn on their iPad or grab their video game controller because they haven’t had to join their teacher’s Zoom call – but now they have a summer camp to look forward to in the morning and can be a natural time to get away from automatically jumping on the screen.
Create a family media plan
Now that you’ve forgiven yourself for all of your screen sins, realized the role of dopamine, and got a handle on the huge presence of these screens in your life, it is time for everyone to debate where to go from here. Assuming they’re old enough to understand, it might start with acknowledging how we got here in the first place.
Children old enough to access these devices are also old enough to understand that we just had a bloody year behind us and that life had to adjust for a while – but now we are in a situation in which things open up again and it is important to do the other physical and social activities that are important to them. You may have your own thoughts on what activities to prioritize this summer, and you can discuss how those things can be implemented.
To do this, you can work together to create a family media plan. The AAP has a tool for that, also, that we have written about in the past. This can help you decide together as a family how to define screen-free times and zones at home, how to balance online and offline times, and what media “manners” to commit to.
In other words, don’t just drop the hammer and decree that after 15 consecutive months with a lot more you will only be granted an hour of screen time per day. This is not a punishment; it is a rearrangement of priorities because we can finally rearrange them.
“It’s not about losing something, like losing time on the screen,” says Egger. “It’s really important to set the framework for what we can get back, what we love, and try to do that [talk about that] in a positive sense.”
Egger also points out that the entire screen time does not have to look as if each family member withdraws to their own corners; You can also use it to connect as a family, either by asking them to show you how to play a favorite game or by watching a TV show together that you all enjoy.
