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If you’ve recently been released from the grip of a relationship that has prevented you from doing things that have brought you joy and fulfillment, you may want to take a cue from this Reddit thread. It suggests that after a particularly bad breakup, you should do 10 things your ex-partner wouldn’t do to you, so that you can get a real stake in who you are.

While it may seem crazy to lose sight of who you are, it is possible that you may feel a little lost when unraveling your life from a former significant other. Here’s how you can actively try to regain that sense of self.

Illustration for article titled After a Breakup, Do 10 Things Your Partner Wouldn't Do To You

Start small

In a bad relationship, it can feel like walking on eggshells around your partner, sometimes triggering their anger at seemingly minor offenses. When you have overcome the emotional hump and want to enjoy your newfound independence, there are subtle ways to express it. As a partner, did you insist on making the bed every morning? Leave it messy if you want. Would they berate you for belching during lunch? Burp with devotion. Were you a stickler for socks on the floor? Leave them where you want.

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It’s important to articulate your individuality in small ways so that you can feel comfortable enough to make bigger leaps down the line. Of course, there is no reason to resort to bad, self-destructive habits just because there is no one to keep you in check. But it is true that by exercising your freedom, contrary to your former partner’s wishes, you can feel empowered.

While it’s also true that people in healthy relationships can still upset each other, it’s known that toxic relationships don’t allow people to be their most authentic selves.

Illustration for article titled After a Breakup, Do 10 Things Your Partner Wouldn't Do To You

Do things they would never do

Would your ex-partner never go on a big outdoor vacation because they were too busy with work? Plan a trip alone if you tend to. If you’ve had a partner who wouldn’t indulge in your love of roller coasters, go to a theme park after the pandemic settles down.

Bad partners tend to sabotage their significant other’s attempts to claim joie de vivre. Also, it’s possible that what makes you happy makes you uncomfortable or nervous. As long as this interruption is due to normal and healthy activity, get out there and do whatever your ex refused to do with you. This is not a symbolic act of revenge, but a way to remind yourself why you are feeling good.

Reclaim that confidence to be a better partner in the future

It’s widely known to be redundant and annoying Trust is attractive. If you have been prevented from articulating a sense of self because of an oppressive relationship, your confidence has likely suffered. When you start doing things that make you happy and make you feel like the best you are, it will only lead to a greater sense of trust, which in turn will make you more magnetic for the next special person you meet . As long as you do not hurt anyone, you should do the things that bring you joy – and no partner should stop you in the persecution.